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By Brianna, on September 30th, 2009 When: Anytime by Appointment (828) 246-3518 Where: 1283 Asheville Road, Waynesville, NC 28786 Website: http://www.onyxmassage.com Cost: 1/2 Hr: $40, 1 Hr: $65, 1 & 1/2 Hr: $90
Background: Jennifer L. Burns is the owner and massage therapist of Onyx Massage. She studied at The Center for Massage and Natural Health in Weaverville, NC. She is also licensed by the State of North Carolina.
Pros: Umm… Hello it is a massage?! What isn’t a Pro? As you might have recently read I spent 48 Hrs in corticosteroid Hell and became a sparkly vampire. Patrick had the wonderful idea that
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By Patrick, on September 29th, 2009 Well, finally I arrive at my destination that is known as “work”. I turn on my Dell® computer and proceed to finish the day’s accounting work using Peachtree™ Accounting Software. This is clearly the highlight of my day. Ha!
Next up, I get ready for visitors by starting up the Sharp® cash register, turning on the Samsung™ projector, and turning the radio to local NPR© station. Turn on the lights and Bam! we’re ready to go!
As I answer a lot of questions, give people directions and “inspire” them (because that’s my job) throughout the day, I look forward to
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By Brianna, on September 29th, 2009 There is one event in Western North Carolina that will turn even the most down-home, friendly, and folksy local into a raging lunatic.
Yep, we have Fall ‘Color’. Somehow, Fall, is now upon us and neither Patrick or I saw it coming. Which is a horrible mistake. We have neither provisions, shelter, nor the necessary patience in store to deal with the herds of zombie-like tourists that will descend upon us in the next 4-8 weeks. Worse yet, they are calling for an extended color season, so, instead of a quick wham-bam-thank you ma’am of tree color it will be
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By Patrick, on September 26th, 2009 This whole blog thing is quite a bit of fun, but it seems that I have a quandary. You see, I am also running for public office this year. Yes, that’s right, it’s possible that I might be an alderman in my town getting to make important decisions such as where to put sewer lines and coordinating community watch meetings. Yeah, it’s gonna be sexy.
I actually kind of like politics because it’s pretty much all bullshit. I think I’ve discovered a few secrets of being a successful politician:
1. Always say that you’re against raising taxes. This is a
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By Patrick, on September 25th, 2009 Well, I figured I’d write a little about my day since so many other bloggers are doing it and they make good money. Yes, I know that’s a lame excuse and really you probably don’t give a shit about my usual day, but I’m going to subject you to the misery anyways because that’s what I do. That’s how I roll. Live with it.
My day usually begins at about 3:30a.m. “Why the hell do you get up that early?” you may ask. Well, I only get up for a few moments, but I usually wake up Brianna at the
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By Patrick, on September 23rd, 2009 As I was coming home from work today, I noticed something that I guess I had noticed before but really didn’t strike me until today-Around here panhandlers only come out during rush hour. Whenever I’m driving around during the day, I never see any folks on the side of the road. But BAM! once rush hour rolls around, they’re all over the place. I guess panhandlers make enough money to afford watches.
I always make sure to check out their shoes when/if I give them a few cents. Usually the ones with patent leather shoes don’t tend to get my
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By Brianna, on September 23rd, 2009 Okay, so really, I got a shot in the ass. Actually, I got two shots of corticosteroids in the ass over a 48 hour period. These were to help the Wee Willis’ lungs develop because we thought we might need to deliver early. This now doesn’t seem to be the case, and neither the regular Dr. or the Specialist seems to understand what is going on. Since the baby seems to be fine at the moment, I am going to take this opportunity to tell you about corticosteroids.
First, the nurse comes with the shot and says ‘this is going
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By Patrick, on September 21st, 2009 Well, went to the dentist today. That was an exciting experience, let me tell you. Nothing like having your gums raped like Ned Beatty in the woods in Georgia in 1972.
And I just love it when the hygienist tells you, “Now honey, just let me know if something feels uncomfortable.” Yeah okay, I’ll let you know because shoving cold, metal and decidedly-sharp implements into my teeth and gums will feel like a fucking fleece blanket wrapped around cashmere on a baby’s butt. This is the way I would like to spend half of my afternoon. Really. After about 5
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By Patrick, on September 17th, 2009 So I’ve noticed in the past few years that it seems that everyone who ever watched episodes of ‘Seinfeld’ can remember them by heart. It seems that you may have only watched an episode once, at 3:30 in the morning while ralphing up some Jager and hotdogs, but by god you can always remember exactly what George and Kramer said that was so fucking hilarious.
Anyways, I’ve wondered for a while why I can never remember any specific lines from ‘Seinfeld’ like everyone else. I never was a huge ‘Seinfeld’ fan, but I do remember watching a number of episodes.
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By Brianna, on September 16th, 2009 So there are a number of reasons this is not a mommy blog. The first one being that Patrick writes here too. So we would have to be a Mommy and Daddy blog, or I guess a Family Blog. But, we use ‘fuck’ an awful lot to be considered family friendly, so I can safely say we are not a ‘Mommy Blog’. We will occasionally mention our soon-to-be child because it is going to rock our world. People tell you this, but they leave out the particulars which leads to the actual point of this post:
Top Five Things People
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