You know what I found out today? Your middle fingernail grows faster than all of your other nails. Isn’t that amazing? I’ve wondered all my life about which fingernail grew the fastest, and now I know. And you know who I can thank for this mind-blowing information? Our O.B.’s waiting room. Thanks!
Speaking of doctors, is there a law that doctors’ offices must suck? Actually, I think there is. It’s in Article VIII, paragraph 2, section 6A of the General Statutes of North Carolina: “All physician, dentists, dermatologist, and other healthcare professionals’ office waiting rooms MUST SUCK. Punishment for a non-sucking waiting room is $50 per day for every day the room does not suck. SUCKING is defined as sterile, boring, lacking all personality, filled with crazy people, and/or any space that people do not want to be present in but must due to unforeseen circumstances.
Okay, a bit more about waiting rooms…Is it really too much to ask to get a fucking UP-TO-DATE news magazine? Really? As I was thumbing through the thousands of magazines in the waiting room today, I think the most recent was from May 2009. Only six fucking months ago! I was reading about Christian Bale and his crappy role in the last Terminator movie. For the love of god. After I finished that mind-blowing article, I pick up a Newsweek. “Aha! Finally, some worthy reading!” I say to myself. Well, it would have been great but it was from February and discussed President Obama and the fact that he was a Black president. Clearly, that was news to me…
Waiting in waiting rooms for doctors, etc. suck for many reasons the worst of which is the waste of time. Do doctors not realize that we take time off to see them? And it’s not like it’s voluntary. I’m thinking that the next time I go to the doctor, I’m going to charge HIM for all the fucking time that I’m wasting by sitting in his fucking waiting room. He’s going to present the bill to me…it’ll say something like “$100 consultation fee”. That’s all fine and well, but he’s going to get one from me that says “$250 Waste-of-my-fucking-time fee”. And I’ll tell him that I only take cash or check, and his insurance won’t cover it. Take that bitches!
Okay, until my next rant…y’all have a good day.
