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Why you can seem to always squeeze one more bit of toothpaste out of the container? It’s like the tube leads to a never-ending portal of toothpaste directly to the toothpaste factory. I was near the end of the toothpaste tube the other day, and so I squeezed pretty hard and got another use out of it. So being my lazy self, I plopped it back on the counter. That night, I go to brush my teeth, and so I say to myself, “I wonder if I can get any more out of this tube.” Lo and behold, I get So picture this: We’re sleeping in our bed, it’s about 2:30 or 3:00 in the morning, and we hear this *rustle, rustle, rustle* from the bassinet at the base of our bed. Brianna is lying there asleep. The cats are (thankfully) locked out of the bedroom, and this little squeaky noise comes from the bassinet, eventually waking me up. So I open my eyes, looking at the ceiling, and say to myself, “Well shit.” And I continue to lie there in the bed. This is, much like every night, a moment of truth. What’s going to happen? Will the little Now, Brianna and I are both pretty big fans of multitasking. If we can kill the proverbial “two birds” with the proverbial “one stone”, we will do it. There are of course, some limits. For example, I don’t like to drive and talk on the phone. That just ain’t cool. But other things we can handle. A while back, I had an idea to help in multitasking where most people don’t think-the bathroom. I’m sure you’ve seen magazines and such in the bathroom next to the toilet, maybe even some crossword puzzles or word scrambles. But for us, there’s a As I was tossing and turning last night and this morning, and then waking up first at 430am for the boy and then at 630am for the regular routine, I came to the realization and the inevitable question: “Why the hell does one sleep the best 5-10 minutes before one must wake up?” I mean shit, I tossed and turned, rolled over about 234,234 times, couldn’t get comfortable, rolled on to my front, rolled on my back, both sides-nothing. Still awake. However, once the clock hit 6:15am, I fell asleep like a fucking rock. Dead to the world. BAM!! Motherfucker!! Well, went through another daylight savings time last night. Lost an hour of my life I’ll never get back (at least not until October). Anyways, why don’t they quit doing this “spring forward” stuff on a Saturday night. I mean, that’s prime party night. Think of all the college kids who won’t have that extra hour to imbibe and try to hook up with that really cute girl down the hall. That extra hour of drinking could be critical to their success. Instead, you get up thinking it’s 11:30 and then you realize “Shit. It’s 12 fucking 30 already. I’ve A few days ago, our son decided to go on a poop strike. Yep, he didn’t poop for an entire day or so, which is pretty remarkable for a 3-month old. So of course me and Brianna had to comment about it to one another. B: So did the boy poop today? P: No, I think he’s on a poop strike. I think it’s been about a day and a half since he last pooped. The next one he has is going to be of epic proportions. B: Yeah, I don’t know if the diaper will hold it all. P: Well, not much has been happening this week. Baby’s getting fat. Hospital/Doctors’ bills keep trickling in one by one. Insurance fails to cover a MAJOR bill, so I have to call the insurance, they tell me to call the healthcare provider, they tell me to call the insurance and it goes on and on. Today was a new day and yet a new bill. So as I open the envelope, I’m trying to guess how much we’re going to have to pay this time…Success!!! $17! “This must be a mistake” I think to myself. “What can anyone ever get for So Brianna and me are looking at lamebook when Brianna clicks on the large “next” button thinking this will take us to the next page. It would make sense, right? Click on “Next” to go to the next page. Nope. Wrong. It takes us to some awesome (and by awesome I mean shitty) ads instead. B: “Awww, when did they start this shit?” P: “About the same time the internet started.” Last night, after a few frothy goodnesses, I finally came up with the grand idea of keeping a notepad near the couch in case we said or did anything that should warrant repeating on a certain blog site. So in the next few weeks/months, you might see more of some of our *interesting* conversations or bits that we talk about while we’re at home. Here’s a couple for starters: P: We should watch Transformers (on Netflix). We could put it on mute and watch Megan Fox run around in her scantily-clad clothing. B: Let’s put it on… P: No, it’s Me and Brianna were looking at some of her “friends” groups this evening and came across a few doozies that that kind of made us say a collective “Hmm”. Example: “When the Rapture Happens, I Won’t Be Using Facebook” and “Petition to get the sexual ads off the right side of Facebook”. You know, I’ve honestly never thought about that first one, and the second-well, I think that’s why God gave us eyelids. So we can close our eyes and look another direction. Speaking of God, this stuff kind of makes me wonder what God’s facebook page would look like |
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