Well, the Oscars will be upon in a few days, and like the rest of the world, let me give you my picks on who is going to win this year. You can take these to the bank. I mean, literally, fly to Las Vegas, put money down on the people I list here, and then go to the bank after you collect your $39 million. Because if people knew you were carrying around that much money, you’d last as long a fried twinkie at a Sumo wrestling convention.
All right, here we go. Now, before I give you a list of the guaranteed winners, let me tell you one little secret: I’ve only seen about two movies that had any nominations. But that’s okay, because that’s all the Academy has seen as well. So I’m just as knowledgeable as they are.
Best Picture: The Social Network. Hey, Zuckerberg’s got about 657 billion dollars. I would think that might be able to buy a few votes from the Academy. Money talks. Plus, if it doesn’t win, the Academy will have all of its 17 friends blocked on Facebook. It’s a shoe-in.
Actor in Leading Role: James Franco in “127 Hours”. He cut off his arm! He cut off his arm! That’s dedication there. Would yooooou cut off your arm for a part? No, I don’t think so. How can you not give it to him?
What? What’s that you say? He didn’t actually cut off his arm in real life? Oh, ok. Then I would go with Jeff Bridges in “True Grit”.
Actress in Leading Role: Natalie Portman. She’s hot. She appears to be intelligent. And she’s hot. You don’t wanna mess with Queen Amidala. She’ll use the force on you. Plus, she’s starring in a great new film that’s coming out in April, “Your Highness”, sure to be a favorite for next year’s Oscars
Actor in a Supporting Role: Christian Bale in “The Fighter”. If you remember this, how could you not pick him. This was the greatest temper tantrum in the history of cinema.
Actress in a Supporting Role: Helena Bonham Carter in “The King’s Speech”. If only she had worn some of her own wardrobe in the movie, I might have seen it. But no, apparently there are “costume designers” that tell actors what to wear. What a shame. She’s still a winner in my book though.
OMG. Helena Bonham Carter killed a peacock and turned it into a dress!
Finally, here’s the pick for the most important award of the night, Documentary (Short Subject): Warriors of Quigang.
Keep in mind, if the Academy cannot pronounce the title of a film, it must be good, and will automatically win. It doesn’t matter if only 2 people saw it.
So those are my picks, I’m sticking with ‘em. Remember, this is like money in the bank. Enjoy the Oscars. It’s always fun to watch narcissist Hollywood douchebags try to be nice to each other for a night even when they hate each others’ guts.
I like your picks and I agree with them except for the Social Network. I might agree with that too if I could remember what else was nominated. The King’s Speech was a great movie and I like Helena as a winner.
Is Colin Firth nominated for best actor? He might give Franco a run for his money.
Thanks for making me think about it. Maybe I’ll actually watch this year….
It probably would’ve helped if I saw any of these movies. The only one I saw was ‘Inception’. I was however, shocked and outraged that ‘The Last Airbender’ didn’t get any nominations. Night was robbed.