We just watched another riveting movie on Netflix last night: Green Lantern. This was about the sixth action-adventure movie in a row for us, so I think we’re going to change it up a bit and go with another genre for a while. But while I was watching this Oscar-worthy motion picture, I thought to myself, “Hey, we should do movie reviews for our Netflix rentals. Who cares if the movie is six months or 9 months or ten years old, maybe some of our readers would like to get a Netflix review of our movies.”
So here we are. The first of hopefully many Netflix movies reviews that will hopefully not only shed some light on the kind of crap we like to rent, but will hopefully direct you to see or (more likely) not see in the future. Since we have a two-year-old and have another kiddo on the way in a few weeks, we’re going to use the number of dirty diapers as our rating system theme. In this system, the higher the number of dirty diapers (up to 5), the worse the movie. If there are no dirty diapers, the movie was kick-ass; for example, Spaceballs. No diapers. On the other hand, a movie such as ‘Anaconda’ would get five dirty diapers.
Just so you know here’s the tale of the tape: We watch our movies on a 1080p 42″ Sharp Aquos HDTV with a Sony blu-ray player. Sound is through a Yamaha soundbar and powered subwoofer which gives us plenty of pop if we want it. So really, we are judging on the basis of the movie, and not the peripherals.
So here we go!
It's green. What more can you say?
Green Lantern
4 Dirty Diapers
When the opening sequence began, Brianna looked up from her homework and said, “This movie’s going to be shit.” Then she went back to her homework. And that’s all we really need to say about this movie. While I’m sure Brianna enjoyed looking at Ryan Reynolds for an hour and 45 minutes, that’s was about all the satisfaction we got out of it. Here’s the plotline:
Aliens are fighting in space. Good alien gets mortally wounded, crash lands on earth and gives a candy-machine ring to Ryan Reynolds, who flies around alot. Bad alien tries to kill him, gets sucked into the sun, and everyone is happy. While in reality there is more to the plot than this, it’s really not much more. One question I did have, well, actually there’s two. First, there’s this “evil” doctor guy who ends up becoming the minion of the evil alien. I’m not really sure what his true role in the movie as whole was, other than the overused “weird-looking guy turns into a nasty, vile-looking minion villain during the course of the movie” schtick. The second question, well, it’s not really a question, but it is, was that Tim Robbins was actually in this movie. Let me repeat, Tim Robbins was in this movie! Really, what the hey?!? He must’ve been smoking some really baaaad stuff when he signed that contract.
While the Green Lantern’s budget was somewhere in the neighborhood of $200 million, the director and producers probably thought that any sort of character development would have put the budget over the edge, so they neglected that portion of the movie.
The special effects were pretty good in some parts, but then reverted to “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” in others.
Overall, Green Lantern was a pretty craptastic movie. Really, the only reason why this movie didn’t get 5 dirty diapers is the fact that green is my favorite color, and there was lots of that.
Nice! I like this new blog feature :)
Hey, I liked Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure! It was so bad it was good. (Of course, I haven’t seen it since the 80s. Might not have aged well…)
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Seriously, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure = No Dirty Diapers. You can’t say anything “reverted” to anything about that movie.
As for Tim Robbins, he probably heard Ryan Reynolds was going to be in the movie and dismissed all need to read the script.
Let me just be clear here. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure IS a No Dirty-Diaper movie. How can you not love Rufus? However, grading only the special “effects” by themselves in BaTEA would yield a different opinion. Good thing movies are more than just special effects, right?
Looking at my venus fly trap sitting next to me was more interesting than this movie.
Just to add my two cents… Really nothing to add other than it was nice to look at Ryan Reynolds for awhile. But even that wasn’t enough to save this movie.
Wait… That was Tim Robbins? WTH? How’d I miss that? Why on Earth would he do that movie?