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By Patrick, on October 11th, 2011 Dear Floridians,
I just wanted to point out that this year, the Fall leaf color is VERY BAD. I mean, I have never seen it this awful in my 10 years of living in Western North Carolina. This past week we have had storm after storm that has literally knocked down almost every leaf off every tree here. And for the few trees that have some leaves on them, they are all brown; and gnarly; and lame.
You may have heard that this year’s colors are supposed to be really good. But don’t listen to the hype. They’re not. That’s
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By Patrick, on March 7th, 2011 As you probably know, we have four indoor cats that live with us. And puke for us. And piss everywhere for us. But of all the things they love to do for us, leaving behind their cat hair probably ranks up there as one of the best gifts of all.
If cat hair was gold, you’d be reading the wealthiest bloggers in the world right now.
Our cats are all short hair, which means, surprisingly enough, that they shed more than long-haired cats. And we have seen so many of our cats’ hairs around our house, we
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By Patrick, on December 5th, 2009 No, really. What the hell is going on? I think I’ve been out of the house about 4 times in the past 2 weeks ever since the little one arrived, and I think three of those trips were to the in-laws’ house down the hill. I’ve been out of the loop in terms of politics, news, sports, booze, socializing, pretty much everything except baby stuff. You know, the crying, the poop, the strange faces. By the way, have you ever witnessed a newborn’s facial expressions throughout the day. I understand when he wakes up and stretches he contorts his face
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By Patrick, on November 13th, 2009 I thought it was time for another thing that pissed me off; and while I have been guilty of this a very few number of times, I do consciously try not to do it. Of course, I’m talking about talking on the phone while driving. Now don’t get me wrong, I honestly don’t mind people talking on the phone while they’re driving, I only get pissed off when they talk to ME while driving. This is especially mind-blowing when THEY call ME to talk. Now, I understand if I call YOU and you’re driving, that’s understandable.
However, I assume that
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By Patrick, on November 11th, 2009 You know what I found out today? Your middle fingernail grows faster than all of your other nails. Isn’t that amazing? I’ve wondered all my life about which fingernail grew the fastest, and now I know. And you know who I can thank for this mind-blowing information? Our O.B.’s waiting room. Thanks!
Speaking of doctors, is there a law that doctors’ offices must suck? Actually, I think there is. It’s in Article VIII, paragraph 2, section 6A of the General Statutes of North Carolina: “All physician, dentists, dermatologist, and other healthcare professionals’ office waiting rooms MUST SUCK. Punishment for a
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By Brianna, on November 9th, 2009 We were having a conversation the other day at work and someone thought the fake Dr. Seuss poem about loving your job was so cute. I don’t actually hate my job, but I just can’t help being a little subversive so I pulled up the opposite poem for everyone and while doing that I emailed it to Patrick. Because I just can’t help myself and I knew he would like re-reading this:
I hate my job, I hate the pay! I hate it more and more each day. I hate my boss, she is the worst! I hate her boss
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By Patrick, on November 6th, 2009 I’ve been driving around a while, and I’ve noticed yet another aspect of life that drives me bat-shit crazy: these damn family stickers you see on the back of every other minivan and SUV. What the hell, do they give them away with the minivan? Was this part of the Cash for Clunkers?
Not only do these things make you and your family look retarded (TATER-TOTS!!!), you can actually embarrass yourself, your kids, and pets even more by putting your fucking names on them.
Let me tell you how good of an idea this is. So you’re picking your
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By Brianna, on October 26th, 2009 I love to eat fresh pomegranates. Usually I slowly peel them and carefully remove the seeds to savor when I am done peeling about half of the fruit. This mincing, pansy way of getting the seeds from the pomegranate was just not going to cut it. I’m 8 1/2 months pregnant and there is no such thing as ‘delayed satisfaction’ in my vocabulary currently. So I devised a great method for eating a fresh pomegranates.
Put on some old clothing. (Bonus points if it is something you are going to cover with blood stains for Halloween anyway) Stand over the
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By Patrick, on October 24th, 2009 Welcome to the newest section of www.realmountainvalues.com-Things that Piss Me Off. As you can tell by the title, these posts will be about things that piss me off. Because of my cynicality, this list promises to be extremely fruitful and fun. You may or may not agree with some of these, but honestly, I don’t care. They piss me off. Period.
For our inaugural ‘thing that pisses me off’, I have to comment on parents, since I will be one very shortly. Now, we all know that infants and children have to wear clothes. Some people call it a “necessity”.
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By Patrick, on October 6th, 2009 Usually I don’t bore you with the nitty-gritty details of my day, but something happened to me at work that got me thinking; and got me pissed off. You see, I deal with files and therefore I deal with paper; and therefore, I deal with shit that comes with both of those. And today I had an unwelcome experience of the dreaded papercut.
Now today’s papercut wasn’t just a wussy papercut. Nope, I can see and (of course) feel this bad boy. Now papercuts are interesting because usually, you have to actually see the cut for it to start hurting.
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